12SatNov05

My day cant be any worst than today.........

0500HRS
Woke up by baby..... he keep barking.... i cant sleep.... surpose to wake up at 0630HRS to prepare to go BISHAN stadium by 0800HRS for the relay heat.

0730HRS
Got delayed by baby again.... in the end i left home at around 0730HRS... definitely late if i take bus.... so in the end take cab, reached BISHAN stadium at 0755HRS.... wow very fast.... but when i went inside the stadium... i see no one there yet... I am the earliest.... Haizz.... i could have rested more.. extremely tired after so much extra trainings these few days.... my mood also not very good and stable.

0845HRS
Everyone reached the stadium.... and we started warming up.... running 2 rounds the sports track... total 800m.... at around 0920HRS the 1st heats group started to run.... next the 2nd team is our turn.... after everything ended.... we were placed the 10th team.... only 1st 8 teams can enter the actual final competition. Quite disappointed, as we did not really have time to train our running... and we wanted to at least get some results.... but too bad... 1st failure.

1030HRS
We headed back to camp..... went back for last cheerleading practise to have a run through of our routines.... hoping nothing will go wrong later in the actual competition. We have sacrificed a lot of our time for this competition... so at least must win something.

1215HRS
We ended our cheerleading practise... the last one.... and last ever.... next year we are most likely not doing it again. We will Give our best shot this year!

1345HRS
We reached BISHAN stadium for the marched past of all the participating teams from the different ministries. We were late... should have reached by 1315HRS...... We ran our way to the stadium.

1400Hrs to 1700HRS
We shouted our loudest to cheer for the teams..... I lost my voice partially.

1715HRS
Our competition finally started.... we performed acceptably.... not extremely good also....

1750HRS
After we heard our results.... 3rd placed in a 3 team competition... meaning the last.... 2nd failure of the day.... i really very upset liao.... and tired.... putting so much effort and all comes to nothing.... i just wanted to rest... dun wish to do anything else leh..... throughout the week already have enough disappointments leh..... initial failure being unable to go for the airborne course.... haiz.... i should just sit one corner and do nothing.... and reflects about what went wrong.....

1800HRS
Went out with Lian Lian.... things are alright initially.... after which i think we got into some sort of small arguements.... she decided to not talk to me leh.... i dun know what to do.... dun really understand what i did wrong by going for window shopping instead of going home. Dun wish to go home at this time.... very sianz.... Anyway shopped till around 2030HRS... we headed home.... haiz... now i at home doing nothing.... I am tired... but having had so much disappointments..... i dun wish to sleep yet....

2140HRS
Doing nothing.

08TueNov05

Today I went to the Air Borne Selection..... ready to pass..... however..... i did not realise tat it is a completely new route to run... i lost my pacing... not really knowing whether i ran fast enough.... in the end i feel i did not put in enough effort..... i could have ran till i vomit and pass the test and went for the course on 10thNov.... hearing the results... i became so disappointed.... haiz.... after the failure in the seletion test... the more i think about it... the more frustrated i became.... knowing i could have passed it easily.... think i jus cant adapt fast enough to the environment.... sian sian sian sian sian... argh...argh...... why like tat!!!!..... why why!!!!..... everyone knows i failed it!!!..... this is considered a disgrace to me..... i shall train up myself again... those lost fitness..... i am not as fit as i was liao..... really cant forgive myself..... haiz.... wat to do..... watching ppl going for the course.... and i being left out.... was a foul feeling.... dun feel like doing anything.... went for cheerleading training this evening..... accident occured again.... one of the fliers.... got injured.... very serious... awarded into hospital.... morale was damn low.... got nothing to say liao.... today is tuesday.... the 8th..... a november in year 2005.....why are there such things happening? nothing is going right at the moment.... i shall rest in peace in my bed for the moment.

03ThuNov05

kind of getting busy because of someone else's interest..... being forced to spend time on the vastly time wasting cheerleading practices.... i got sicked of it already.... having to neglect a lot of other personal stuffs for this cheerleading.... my organisation of my time is not very good.... poorer than grace i think.... this time i must improve on that.... if not lian lian will complain liao.... i really need her understanding during these period of time... when i really busy.... till 12nov... busy with cheerleading practices... after 8 nov air borne selection... might go for course from 10 nov to 2 dec... haha... really packed liao.... not time for a lot of things... i will compensate lost time till i finish with everything... tat is the only thing i could do now.... wish me luck!!!

I am willing to suffer because of love.... I am willing to wait because i forgive.... my sincerity comes from my heart.... you cant override me because everything i say is truth. I am willing to improve together with you because i believe one day we will be able to patch everythings up and get things correct.

Lian Lian... thank you for being so supportive till today. Lol.... dun get tired of it ok? I am always around ok? You will be able to feel it.... but if i am lost... no one will know about it though.... hahahahaha..... think you will get angry reading this... k lah... i stop it.... copyrighted right? ok............. -shut up-